As I sit here, tears rolling down my cheeks, I realize how blessed I am. I am on a comfy couch, with a cup of yummy coffee, little lights surround me on the walls and the ceiling from the sunlight that is pouring into the living room and dancing off of the little mirrored Christmas ornaments that I just couldn't put away. I am in a beautiful and cozy home that I have molded and shaped into a little nest for my family and me, and I am awestruck at God's goodness towards undeserving me. I say undeserving because we are all undeserving of His love, but He graciously lavishes it on us every second of every day. Sure, I have rough days, but I never question why. I know that God is molding me and shaping me, as I do my home, into the person He designed me to be before I was even born. Wow! He knew me even then and loved me. He loved me before I even knew Him or even cared for Him. He called me to Him and has given me a life that I don't even deserve. I am grateful…and working on being content. I say working on it because it has been a process.
Contentment is hard (especially when we live in a society that constantly tells us that we need bigger and better because "we deserve it"). It isn't something that has come easily for me. I have a tendency to always be looking forward instead of enjoying the present. "I can't wait until the kids are older and more self-reliant." "I can't wait until we move to our dream home." "I can't wait until I have lost all of the weight I want to lose." "I can't wait until fill-in-the-blank." Why can't I wait? The answer is simple: I can. In the waiting is where we get glimpses of God through our children…in their laugh, and in their hugs, and even in through their tears. In the waiting is where we love our home and make it a safe and comfortable place for our family and friends, and that is the dream home. In the waiting we learn perseverance and discipline to lose that extra weight. In the waiting is where we see that we are not worthy, yet God sent His one and only Son to die for me. For me? The me that doesn't have my quiet time everyday? The me that might not even crack open my Bible between church services? The me that gets angry and yells at my kids? The me that dreads cooking dinner every night even though there are people all over the world that are starving? Yes, for me. I still feel like I won the lottery when I meditate on the thought that He chose me. Of course, I had to chose Him too, but that part was easy.
So, as I go about my day, I chose to see things for the present. I'll scrub my children's hair and cook dinner with a sense of thankfulness. I will fluff the pillows on my couch in my little living room, grateful for the coziness of it. I will continue to get up before the sun and sweat, thankful that I am able to do it.
This is what I strive for:
"I have learned to be content no matter the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all this through him who gives me strength." Phillipians 4:11-13
Have a blessed day!
Jenn
